Posts Tagged ‘close the door’

I love my daughter dearly and I would do anything for her. And I mean it. I would make a plan and beg steal or borrow to fulfil her needs.

Now we got the foundation down… here follows the post.

I would love to shower without an audience. I would love to use the loo (you know, to pee) without an audience. It doesn’t matter what I do or where I go in my house, when I turn around, there’s that little toothy grin, smiling at me. Following me.

Close the door you say? Have YOU tried closing a door? Then you know, that you don’t close the door if your child is outside the door. Even if the door were fortified with steel bolts. They will open them. A lock uncrackable with class callipers, they will gain access. Your ordinary hollow standard plywood painted white door does not stop them.

It’s a natural ability kids are born with you see: All part of their survival instinct. If they can’t see their mother, they know they are in trouble. Not the naughty chair type trouble: but then who’s going to feed me and clean my bum and give me cuddles kind of trouble. So their larynxes are equipped with a homing device. When child finds itself sans parent, the brain hits the black button. What starts off as a ngeeeegh quickly grows into an earwax-melting WHHAAAAaaaaaah**. Unique to each child, but delivers the same results: mommy’s head pops up from under the sink, daddy crawls out from behind the couch, and the door to the bathroom opens.

**Oscillators have been unable to pinpoint the exact frequencies used with this whail, but why try to measure something so diabolical and cunning.

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